So Long as Men Die: 2025

Black Box. Inside are three glass spheres which shatter when thrown, teleporting the thrower to the point of impact. The box regenerates all three spheres every week, and they lose potency after a day of being removed from inside.
Gray Resin Cube. At a mental trigger, takes a snapshot of the room the holder is currently standing in. A separate mental trigger allows the holder to enter the room. The holder can bring as much as they want into the room, including other creatures, but all foreign objects must leave the room with the holder. Nothing created by the cube can be removed unless sufficiently transformed (eaten, crushed into powder, breathed in.)
Bone Knife. When its blade is planted into the ground it teleports the last creature whose blood touched the blade to the place that it is planted.
Glass Sphere. Can shrink down one living plant and store it inside. The plant thereon produces 1 pieces of its natural produce per day (One Apple, Pinecone, Sheaf of Wheat, etc.) Plants can be swapped out by a mental trigger.
Brass Coin. Heads is a grinning cat, tails is a fishbone. Teleports back to the holder's hand when dropped. A cheerful voice reports how far it fell.
Opaline Circlet. Chased with copper. A mental trigger circles the wearer's head in a diaphanous bubble which provides 360 degree vision and 12 hours of breathable air.
Ivory Staff. A carved spiral staircase winds up its length. Teleports the holder up one "level" of whatever structure they are in when the butt is slammed against the floor. Carries one person at a time only.
Rocket Chair. Ordinary dining chair. Rockets violently 200ft when activated by sitting in it an pointing in any direction. Can be activated unintentionally
Mirrored Gauntlet. Bears engravings of the last source of damage to injure the wearer, which can be projected as a silver phantom from the palm. Can even copy magical weapons, spells, and dragon-fire.
Elf-Hair Rope. A twenty-five/fifty foot coil of rope. Five different command words, when spoken aloud, cause it to perform various functions. "Rise, Knot, Loose, Contract, Lengthen."
Black Headless Skeleton. Abdomen stuffed with cobalt organs. Resurrects severed heads placed on its neck and allows them to puppet it as their own body. Fingertips are always unpleasantly cold.
Notched Leather Bootstrap. Brass buckle shaped like a noose. If the holder wraps it around their own neck, they can lift themselves up to 15' off the ground. Deeply unpleasant experience.
Lizard Tail Ring. Allows limbs to be detached at will. Detached limbs are sessile.
Lover's Goblet. Polychrome in lazuline and malachite. Two creatures who shed blood into the goblet and then drink will exchange bodies permanently. This can be repeated back and forth until your DM throws something at you.
Crystal Sword. Can melt and freeze into different shapes at a mental trigger.
Velvet Glove. Darker than black. At a mental trigger, either stores one discrete object in extra-dimensional space or retrieves that object. Object can be any size, shape, weight, or complexity, so long as it can be successfully argued to be a single object. Unwilling creatures cannot be placed into the glove.
Basalt Crown. Turns the wearer to stone when placed on head. Wearer cannot be wearing any other kind of headgear. Wearer reverts when the crown is removed.
Canine Ring. Allows the wearer to mentally communicate with dogs and wolves; who hold them in esteem.
Prayer Beads with Mummified Hand. Carved from Sandalwood. Worn around the neck or as a belt, serves the wearer as a third arm.
Bronze Breastplate. Engraved keyhole pattern along the collar. Becomes immovable at a mental trigger.
Crystal Decanter. Hermetically sealed. Teleports fluids out of other containers and into itself when its spout touches them. Can reverse this process at a mental trigger.
Cedar Coffin. Painted Black. Corpses placed inside are processed into their constituent parts. Rendered fats, bones, leathers, meats and blood. Each corpse takes about a minute to process, and touching the coffin during the process allows the owner to mentally control the level of refinement (Bone into chips, powder, or broth? Fat into wax, oil, or lard? Etc.) The coffin is capable of rendering down esoteric corpses, such as golems, elementals, and aberrations.
Cedar Coffin. Painted Blue. A creature sealed inside falls into suspended animation. Their heart does not beat, they do not breathe, and they do not age or need to eat. They don't even dream.
Fish-Leather Sandals. Studded with pearl and coral. Water-Walking. Can be turned on an off at a mental trigger.
Clay Fertility Icon. Polychrome in redstone and malachite. A pregnant creature or egg touching the statue's domed belly is decanted. The statue functions as an accelerated exo-womb, and gives birth to healthy young in 24 hours.
Lavender Boots. Calf length, studded with Onyx. Allows the wearer to walk on ceilings, but not walls.
Pocket Psalter. Gilded spine, tied closed with a silken ribbon. Eats other books and indexes their contents when unobserved. Sentient, loyal and eager to please its reader, communicates via simpering footnotes. Wants to eventually organize all information in the world into a singular volume.
Twinned Silver Chokers. Bears the image of the crescent moon, waning and waxing, in onyx and opaline. Wearers of either choker can choose to take damage for the other.
Verdigris crusted Gauntlet. Corroded joints locked into a sign of benediction. It slips on easily, despite its contortion, but cannot hold a weapon. Any creature struck on the forehead by its fingertips slips into shallow slumber, woken easily by pain or the furor of battle.
Metamorphic Mercurium. A globule of mirror-metal which shifts to take the shape of the last inanimate object to touch its surface. A mental trigger from its holder dissolves it back into its liquid form. Capable of mimicking organic objects, and even other magic items.
Silver Cube. Unfolds into a self-assembling crane and basket elevator at a mental trigger. Basket is comfortably enclosed and features a pleasant, if repetitive, selection of music.
Hickory Pole. Variable length, extensible and retractable at mental trigger by holder. Maximum 20' minimum 5'.
Frog Helmet. Chased in malachite. Wearer gains a whip-fast adhesive tongue 10' in length.
Grasshopper Chitin Boots. Allows the wearer to shrink down to be 1" tall at a mental trigger, then back to normal size.
Diadem of Blades. Golden crown bearing swords of silver, each pommel capped by a heliotrope. At the wearer's mental trigger all swords within 100' resonate and release a pulse of sharpness, slashing their own bearers.
Dullahan's Gorget. Pitted black iron. The wearer can survive without their head.
Phial of Ferrofluid. Contains half a liter of ferrofluid. The holder of the iron phial can command the fluid, which has the intelligence of a trained dog and the strength of an equal quantity of egg whites. Its magnetic properties allow it to manipulate metal objects much more easily. Needs to "sleep" inside the phial for 8 hours every day.
Woeful Gray Statuette. Snarling black teeth beneath a hinged jaw. Vomits up a cloud of opaque smoke while its mouth is open. Produces just enough to fill whatever room it is in, bounded by doorways and windows.
Stone Gauntlet. At a mental trigger, manifests a horse-sized stone hand which mimics its actions. The hand cannot levitate or exert any more force than leverage provides, and must move around like a spider.
Petrified Sponge. Absorbs a gallon of water into an extra-dimensional space every minute. At a mental trigger, swaps to releasing a gallon of water per minute. Maximum capacity is 64 gallons.
Emotional Support Moon. Revolves around the wearer's head. Capable of snatching small objects and dragging them into its own orbit.
Cube-Topped Copper Staff. Creates 5' cubes of orange resin when its tip touches the ground. Cubes are anchored to the place they are created. All cubes puff into fragrant smoke when the staff's butt is struck against the floor. A total of 10 cubes can be created at a time.
Copper Wristwatch. Clicking the button on the top teleports the wearer, and one other creature they are touching, to the location the wearer was standing 6 seconds ago.
Red Phrygian Cap. At a mental trigger, swaps itself with another piece of headgear the wearer can see.
Green Quiver. Leather tooled with a vine pattern. Every morning 7 arrows appear inside the quiver, and any extant arrows from the quiver vanish. These arrows create thick blooms of ivy wherever they strike.
Brass Shield. Horseshoe device embossed on the front. At a mental trigger, any metal object touching the shield is adhered to it. It requires a fair amount of leverage and effort to separate adhered objects. A second mental trigger releases all adhered objects.
Silver Lockbox. Encrusted with rubies and engraved with swirling symbols. The inside is lined with white velvet. The inside of the lid bears an image of a human body, organs included. Each internal organ raises from the surface as a button. If someone puts a drop of blood into the velvet interior, and presses a button, the lockbox snaps shut and locks. After 24 hours, the box opens, and a viable clonal organ is produced corresponding to the pressed button.
Glass prosthesis. Crystal clear, with needle-like talons. The stump fuses automatically to someone missing an arm and morphs to fit their body, including handedness. At a mental trigger the needle talons slurp up about a liter’s worth of liquid, and at the same trigger, inject it. Injecting someone with random bullshit is agonizingly fatal, though not always immediately.
Gray Pouch. Embroidered with the device of an eye. 6 stone beads replenish at dawn, you know the drill. Each seed tossed to the ground blooms into a stone statue, taking a form that the tosser imagines. Pouch contains a latent sentience that flies into a black rage if any of the statues are sold, and any future statues grown animate and attempt to strangle the offending party to death with their cold stone hands.
Plain Ivory Band. Wearer can grow any hair and nails on their body to any length they desire at will.
Small Cookie Tin. Contains a single wax wrapped lump (6 grams) of silvery metal, refreshes at dawn. When chewed, the lump becomes tacky and adhesive. When the chewer says the word “boom” the gum explodes with the equivalent force of plastic explosives.
Modest Townhouse. Materials left in the house overnight are used by a team of mechanical puppets that live inside the walls to maintain and expand the house. Expansion can be directed by providing blueprints. There’s a secret room in the basement where the shed blood, hair and skin flakes of residents are slowly turned into living puppets that, when completed, will attempt to murder and replace the inhabitants. (For the sake off portability/being dungeon treasure, it begins as a cart sized box on wheels, which unfolds into a pile of building materials and puppets that immediately begin work.)
Hooked Copper Rod. Allows the bearer a sixth sense which sees foreign objects inside the bodies of others. The rod can pass through flesh without distorting it, and share that ability with foreign objects at the bearer's discretion. Can be used to remove piercings, arrow wounds, and parasites. Cannot be used to harm other creatures in any way, included just hitting them with it.
Gargoyle Head. Pitted dark stone. Soaks up a gallon of liquid, then, at a mental trigger, vomits it with the force of a pressure washer.
Weird Ass Doll. Twelve ivory arms attached to a torso. No legs or head. Activated by twisting the silver winding key in the center of its spine. One full wind lasts an hour, during which the doll attends to its winder’s needs with incredibly speed and skill. It can cook, clean, assist dressing and undressing, curry a horse, and anything only an entire team of servants could.
Brass Amulet. Shaped like a doorknob. Pressing the metal against the wearer’s flesh and twisting opens their chest like a drawer, revealing an empty internal space stretching from hips to clavicle. The walls of the internal space are made of planed and polished bone, and breaking or damaging it in any way is agonizingly painful, and wounds opened inside bleed. Objects inside the space only cause discomfort if they are too large to properly fit, otherwise they are functionally weightless. The internal space becomes an extradimensional pocket after the door is closed, and persists even if the amulet is removed.
Brass Helm. Sculpted after two fused heads, who share an eye in the middle. One is a man with a wild mane of hair, curly beard, the other is a weak-chinned woman with short cropped hair. If the wearer speaks another creature’s name, with intent, the wearer and that creature see out of each other’s eyes instead of their own until another name is spoken. The wearer speaking their own name or removing the helm ends the effect.
Golden Staff. Wrought of all one piece, haft is scored to improve grip, the pattern is shaped like interlaced hands grasping one another’s wrists. The top or butt of the haft can grab and release items like a third hand at a mental signal. Grasped items can be reliably used as “heads” for the weapon.
Golden Bell. When rung, summons the animal that likes the ringer the most. *Can* be a person, more likely a dog. Cats like you more than you think.
Blue Staff. Tall enamel staff, swan topper. At a mental trigger, the bearer creates a beach ball sized spatial distortion within their sight. Anything observing this distortion supernaturally intuits its behavior, even animals and constructs. Anything looking into the distortion can change the angle at which they can see through it. Objects launched by an observer through the distortion exit at this angle… a creature leaping counts as a launched object
Blue Leather Boots. Platform heels. When clicked together, generate a bouncy blue trampoline on the first solid surface below the wearer.
Black Onyx Tablet. Engraved silver text reads “Lorem Ipsum Dolor Sit Amet Conectetur Adipiscing Elit.” when read aloud by a living creature, generates a duplicate of the reader. Duplicate has all the mental capacity and memories of the original, and lasts for 24 hours. The duplicate is hollow and has no internal structure, and bursts like a bubble of any significant force is applied. At any point in its lifespan it can merge with its original, and confer all the memories and knowledge that it gathered in that time. The tablet can be used 1d6+1 times every day, reroll at dawn.
Silver Poniard. Black leather grip. Things impaled with the blade rapidly inflate with air. Has an explosive effect on living flesh.
Fanged Talisman. Wearer grows a set of pharyngeal jaws down their throat, inside their anus, and inside their vagina (if applicable.)
Jaws persist for a week after removal.
Floating Crystal Bubble. follows first person to touch it while inert, who becomes the designated owner. At a mental command it can be set to follow another creature with whom the current owner is familiar, who then becomes the next owner. This can be made conditional on the current owner’s death. The current owner can place a living creature inside, after which only the occupant or the owner of the bubble can retrieve it. The bubble provides air and light to the occupant, and protects it from every avenue of attack.
Octagonal Crystalline Staff. Man height, translucent, tinged slightly pink. Slamming the butt on the ground sprouts a lattice of 16 copies of the staff from a surface within range, each copy is space exactly 3 feet from the next. Copies have the proportionate strength of stone, and last until the staff is used again, or for 7 hours. If a copy would be inside of something else, it does not form until that obstruction is moved.
Grey Chalk. Leaves marks but is not apparently diminished by use. Any object not moving under its own power (ie - anything other than a construct or creature,) treats the lines drawn by the chalk as a brick wall extending six feet from the surface they are drawn on. This includes water, air, arrows, and fire, but not light or anything worn or carried by a living creature. Marks lose potency after an hour, but can be refreshed entirely by a tap of the chalk.
Golden Frying Pan. Can cook anything, rocks, water, ice, etc, and turn it into food. No man has ever tasted rock sirloin, fried ice, or doornail flambée. These ingredients may be poisonous, disgusting, disgusting… or delicious, tender, and perfectly moist. This is Terra incognita for everyone involved.
Black Roughspun Bag. Fills with brackish green salt every morning, all existing green salt vanishes. Salt is foul and poisonous, enough to sicken but not actually kill. Eating more than a spoonful causes immediate vomiting. Causes a rash on human skin, causes toads, slugs, and other creatures with permeable skin incredible distress. Any wound rubbed with it will not heal until thoroughly cleaned, even if healing magic is applied.
Red Staff. Tall enamel staff, topped by a carving of a flock of bats. By slamming the butt of the staff against the ground, the bearer is given six seconds of dilated time to act. An affected creature can perceive and affect nothing around them, except their own body and objects they are wearing, carrying, or holding. The bearer can reposition their limbs and body however they wish, including releasing the staff, but their center of mass will remain in the same position. Telefrag protection is in place, but imperfect, and may result in the bearer’s body being painfully or fatally contorted. Released objects cannot move more than three feet from the bearer, and lose all angular momentum when exiting dilated time.
Green Staff. Tall enamel staff, topped by a carving of an apple tree. When the butt is slammed against the ground, creates a wretched hunchbacked gnome that obeys one verbal command then withers into dust. Has the proportional strength of a toddler, mewls in pitiful agony for its entire existence. Creating a second creature destroys the first.
Striped Belt. Pastel pink, white, and blue. Bears an astrological symbol for a buckle. Wearer can mentally alter their primary and secondary sex characteristics at will. Changes persist after removal of the belt.
Supine Amulet. Depicts a copper figure reclining, hands behind their head, ankles lazily crossed. At a mental trigger sends the wearer back to the last bed they fell asleep in without any objects they are currently wearing or carrying, except for the amulet itself.
Blue Sword. Sky blue metal spun into a two edged blade. Can strike anyone the wearer can see as if they were standing next to one another- but anyone struck can do the same to the wielder.
Green Pouch. Decorations shaped like a stylized frog's eyes and tongue. Place a coin made of brass, silver, gold, or jade into the pouch, and a moment later, it is transformed into a frog. The frogs cannot be turned back into coins.
Sky Blue Pouch. Embroidered with rainbow beans. Fills with seven beans every morning. Each bean can grant one bean wish when tossed onto the ground. Bean wishes are incredibly unimpressive. Example bean wishes: making a small flash of light, becoming a regular bean sprout, becoming half a cup of coffee, creating a high pitched noise that sounds like a gnome screaming “bean.” When in doubt, creates a puff of smoke that leaves behind a little note that says "out of order."
Brown Leather Pouch. Single wooden button. Full of cotton. Worn on belt. Wearer can, at will, wrap any part of their body in cotton, over or under clothing. Enough cotton in the bag to cover an adult human from head to toe in cotton padding, which serves as surprisingly effective armor.
Red Dueling Cape. Lights on fire/extinguishes at a mental trigger. Wearer is immune to its flames, nearby creatures and objects are not.
Blue Candlestick. Holder can mentally control the color, brightness, and even the direction of the flame. Can get uncomfortably bright. Can be used as laser pointer.
Red Candlestick. Any solid object the flame touches instantly lights on fire as if it had been doused in gasoline.
Horse Headed Rod. Carved from walnut. Brass eyes. Leather bit and Bridle. Can be ridden like a horse, so long as the rider makes occasional horse noises with their mouth. Can also be used as a club which strikes with the force of a horse’s kick.
Black Metal Bell. Acid etched with geometric patterns. When rung, all creatures who can hear it, or would be able to hear it if they were not deafened, immediately lose their balance and fall over.
Ball of Metal Roaches. Size and weight of a shotput. Roaches come alive as a swarm after landing. The thrower must give them a verbal command as the ball is flying, which they follow to the letter. Roaches become inert after being slapped/stomped on, or being soaked in water. Once 2/3rds of the roaches are inert, they all swarm back together and form a ball again.
Green Spear. Plant-leather haft, curled into a spiral. Head knapped from obsidian. About a foot from the tip and butt are straight enough to grab. Thrusting extends the spear up to fifteen feet like a striking snake. Grabbing the top and slamming the butt into the ground allows the wielder to pole-vault. Freaks out like a dying eel if thrown.
Red Drawstring Bag. Embroidered with a black ant. Small, fits about three fingers to the knuckle. Anything placed inside the bag will appear 6’ in front of whoever is wearing it on their belt, magnified 20 times in size. Changes to the large version affect the small version. Large version vanishes like a mirage if it gets more than 100’ from the bag.
Black Spear. Haft of glossy wood, smooth but easy to grip. Head is forged from black steel. At the approach of an enemy (determined by the spear,) the head falls off the spear. If the haft is used as a quarterstaff, the head begins flying around as a projectile, striking each foe that is hit by the haft on the reverse side of the attack they are receiving.
Grey Drawstring Bag. Wails like a dying cat when opened. Does not need to pause for breath. Will never stop until drawn shut.
Black Belt. Black reptile leather with knee length panels, so it’s more of a weird skirt. The panels are made of red brick shingles, wheat straw, wood, wet ice, felt, glass, and basalt.
At a mental trigger, belt panels can be placed as 10’ square tiles, either replacing an existing floor, or sticking out of a wall. The belt can be coerced into making walls.
Damaged panels must be replaced by feeding it the missing materials.
Black Velvet Bag. Bag of seven marbles, various materials, iron, brass, ruby, glass, wood, ceramic, and even one apparently made of unmelting ice. Whoever wears the bag on their belt can mentally control the marbles, causing them to roll across the floor at will. Every morning, the marbles teleport back into the bag.
Golden Spear. A mental command fires a metal net from the butt.
Grey Spear. Diamond shaped head, looks to be carved out of unpolished stone or wood. Striking or dragging the spear’s butt against a surface creates adhesive bubbles of grey tar.
Slag Ring. Made from a dozen tiny swords fused together. When pressed against a non-living tool or other object, that object warps into a weapon bearing the object’s properties. The resulting weapons are not always intuitive or apparently designed for a human to use.
Silver Saber. Swept knuckle guard made from brass, studded with small rubies and onyxes. Turns invisible when held. The blade can adjust its length by up to an entire foot at will.
Silver Spoon. At a mental command from the bearer, teleports a single spoonful of visible material into itself. Does not work on metal. Does work on living flesh. Somehow both more and less useful as a weapon than you would think.
One Inch Tall Sarcophagus. Has a freaky little mummy inside. The mummy is a little freak and does whatever you want but he's totally messed up in the head.
White Staff. Tall enamel staff, teapot topper. Slamming the butt against the ground makes every creature in the room with you glow faintly blue for the next 6 seconds.
Cedar Stepladder. Small ladder, easily carried in two hands or on the back. At a mental command, extends in length up to 150'. (Ladders are very scary in real life.)
Soot-Stained Longsword. Weeps the last liquid it was fully immersed in. Can be toggled on and off by a mental command. Was last immersed in a bucket of flaming tar.
Six Fingered Gloves. Allow the wearer to don or doff articles of clothing and armor with a single touch. Does NOT work on other people.
Baby Statuette. When cradled with at least one arm, allows the bearer to vanish and reappear directly behind someone who is looking directly at them with a mental trigger.

100 cool magic items are hard. These suck, I hate them all now. Nobody reads this blog. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAughhh.

So Long as Men Die

Thursday, February 6, 2025

Appendix N.

Thursday, January 23, 2025

Magic Items